Listen, even though my love life is currently trash, Valentine’s Day is still (almost) one of my favorite holidays! I have my moments, believe me. For the most part though, I’m just happy to see other people booed up. To all of my single besties, let’s talk about it. Why are we single and how do we feel about it? I’ll mention three possible reasons why we’re flying solo, and what we could consider in our singleness.

Picky about Appearance:

Let’s face it, these dating apps can make it so difficult to prioritize things beyond a person’s looks. The photo is usually what our eyes go to first, then we take time and look at the other things in the profile. Everything else we observe though, is positively or negatively affected by the picture(s) we saw initially. Altered due to the visual info that we got earlier in the experience. It just happens that way because we’re human. Even if the person we swiped to doesn’t look awful, sometimes they still don’t have the look that we pictured in our heads. So we swipe to the next person, and the cycle continues. I’m pretty sure people do the same when it comes to us. Something to point out is that this isn’t always a bad thing. Sure it feels horrible when someone gets turned down due to a photo, but it’s not always about how attractive you are per se. Sometimes it’s about your aesthetic. Style says a lot about a person. Lots of times, it’s a visual representation of our personality or our lifestyle. I think we can all agree that not everyone has the same personality or lifestyle.

Anxiety:

Why is it that I forget how to be a regular human being when I’m on a date?? He could ask me the simplest question and I take 45 seconds to decide how I’m gonna respond. I’m asked what I did over the weekend and go straight into that weird “don’t be boring, but also don’t seem like you’re trying too hard” state. Then when I do finally speak, it’s a stuttering mess. Or at least that’s what it feels like from my point of view. Of course by the time I get back home, I’m lowkey embarrassed and ready for bed.

Now, this is not always the story for me, but for every first (and probably second) date, there’s a ball of energy -big or small- that can be hard to channel the correct way. Especially for us shy folks. Having this kind of dilemma time and time again is not fun for anyone. For me, dating burnout is usually right around the corner after some months.

If The Talking Stage were a person, no doubt I would throw hands immediately:

I cannot even begin to describe how frustrated I get with the talking stage. Don’t get me wrong, I think this stage is very necessary. I just think it should come with some sort of time limit. Are we going into a relationship or are we just flirting? Am I talking to someone that likes me, or someone that’s just bored with his own life? This is important info because I need to know what type of energy to bring into our interactions. Time always tells. This stage always feels a little degrading to me.

In all seriousness, the way things go with dating are out of our control. For my girlies, I think I speak for many when I say: we don’t want to be the initiators. Feels a little icky, am I right? So the talking stage can be hard when you feel like it should be over by now. In my opinion, an extended talking stage is for people that are open to a casual relationship. Aka, a flirty friendship that will never be anything more. I’m DEFINITELY not one of those people.

Food for thought:

Being single is an interesting position to be in. Comes with many pros and cons. Let’s walk through three observations I’ve made in my singleness.

It’s hurtful:

I don’t know about you, but sometimes the fact that I’m not in a relationship in my mid 20s, feels like I’m doing life wrong in a sense. It’s kinda like when you miss a step in long division and get a different answer than your friend in class (that was the WORST by the way). You feel a bit rejected and left behind. Especially when you look around and see friends your age getting married. Which brings me to my next point.

It’s easy to see the downsides of singleness, while looking at relationships with rose colored glasses:

You ever notice how trendy it is to have someone? There are literally Netflix reality shows focused strictly on romance. There are cute couple memes on instagram. Couples have gotten famous on YouTube basically just from showing parts of their relationship. Don’t even get me started with classic Disney movies. There’s always a love interest. Even from the ripe ages of our childhood, we’ve been fed this idea that when we become an item with someone, our life is complete. We’re able to live “happily ever after”. Go have a 2 minute conversation with someone that’s been married for more than 15 years, and you’ll be exposed to a whole different narrative.

Now, I’m definitely not saying that marriage is bad. I think what we oftentimes miss though is the fact that serious adult relationships require selfless commitment and work. If you’re doing it right, relationships help you grow in ways that don’t necessarily feel good. It’s one thing to get into a relationship, but it’s another thing to nourish it and make sure it stays healthy. One thing that I believe can cause healthy relationships to fail is when we realize that there’s not a lot of space for self centered mentality. When you’re used to only looking after yourself, it makes sense that a meaningful relationship would be a learning curve. A successful relationship requires some sacrifice. Fight me if you want to, but I’m gonna say it anyway; We’re not always ready.

Its okay:

With the culture that we live in, it can be really easy to feel like being a single adult is a sign of failure. Believe me, I get it. These feelings are completely valid. The thought behind this is not accurate though. Being single has absolutely nothing to do with your value or potential as a person. Lots of times, we and the people around us simply have not discovered our person. It’s just a simple fact of the matter.

Final thoughts:

It’s easier said than done, but I think that the moment that we become ready for a relationship is when we no longer feel like we need to be in one. Being content with our blessings and who God made us to be is such a sweet position. Besides, no one wants a simp. I’ve heard from countless brothers that one of the most attractive things that a woman can do is not pursue. I’ve heard from my sisters that a man that’s happy with himself is the most handsome.

What’s your take on all of this? Are you at peace with your singleness? Are you dating right now? Are you over the dating apps like I am?🙄 If you have any tips, please bless the comment section!!!! 😂Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this read, because I loved every writing second. Until next time blog buddies!😉